Excerpts from the book, "Totally Overwhelmed"

I was a firm believer on including Big E in everything that went on in our children’s lives. I wasn’t always enthusiastic about doing so because it didn’t take much to upset him but I knew I needed to include my husband in this. I was certain he would get even more upset than I was. That night, after dinner I told him. “I think the boys have been watching pornography. I’m having bills sent to the house to verify it.” His body language did not suggest he was upset and his facial expression didn’t suggest he was surprised. He just sat there unmoved by what I said. This should have been my first indicator the problem was deeper than what I was anticipating but I attributed his response to the fact that he was in one of his moods and I dropped the conversation that night. Before the bills came, I asked the boys in passing if they had been watching pornography. They both said yes. Even though they admitted they had been watching it, when the bills came, I was irate. It was one thing to have been told over the phone pornography was being ordered in my home. It was another to actually see the orders on the bill! There was so much pornography being ordered it was ridiculous. I studied the bills and found the same pornographic movies being watched sometimes two and three times a night. One month there was an additional $300.00 charged for pornography alone. I wanted an explanation so I called a family meeting the day after the bills came. It was held in our living room. The boys arrived before their father and I did. They were sitting beside each other on one end of the sectional. Big E went in and sat on the other end. I remember vividly the anger I felt towards them. I paced back and forth as I told them how appalled I was for disrespecting their father and I the way that they did. I began reading each and every itemized movie that was printed on those bills. As I read the movie titles I still found myself shocked by quantity of what was listed. Some movies were listed two and three times within one week. Having come to the end of one page I threw it at the boys and continued reading as the paper flew aimlessly to the floor. With the completion of each page, I felt my anger level rise. I would periodically look only to find J peering at their father. E never took his eyes off me. The more movies I read, the angrier I got. I kept waiting on Big E to chime in with me but I got neither backing nor support from him. In fact, he didn’t say a word. He just sat there and watched me self destruct.

With each movie read and pages and pages of cable bills now lying on the floor, I started calling out the names of the shows that I could recall from the top of my head. We’re gonna sit and watch these movies as a family,” I said, “so that we can all see what you guys have found so interesting.” Not used to getting scolded from either Big E or I, E must have taken all he could handle. “Hold on mom,” he said as I start naming the order in which we were going to watch the movies. “We watched part of one show that day you came in the room. That was it.” Immediately my eyes shifted to their father. Their eyes followed. I felt so many things but above all I felt shame. I knew he had a history of pornography but two and two never equaled four. Never! When I was away, I was out preaching, growing in my calling as a minister and when I was home, I didn’t trace him down to see what he was doing if he wasn’t sitting up under me. Yet he sat there and allowed me to blame them for watching all that pornography. And if one of them wouldn’t have spoken up for themselves, he would have let them take the blame for it. He had plenty of opportunity before our meeting to speak up and say, Tyna I ordered those movies. But he never said a word. He knowingly let me blame our children for something he had done. And he was willing to expose his problem at their expense. These experiences tore at the fiber of our relationship and his relationship with his children.

With all of that being done, I still didn’t see a need to have conversations with people and try to explain to them or tell them anything. First and foremost, I knew that would not solve anything. Secondly I was feeling so much emotional pain and dealing with so many stressors that I didn’t have the energy to have meaningless conversations with people. I also didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know where to begin explaining the things that happened and how I felt. I know people were concerned about me, but the fact of the matter was, there was nothing any of them could do. And the more things happened, the more I thought talking would make a bad situation worse. I hadn’t talked all those years ago so what was the reason to start talking then? I would have looked like I was just pointing the finger at him and I never did that. I didn’t even tell my mother and father things that went on. I didn’t want to appear to be one that was talking about him and dogging him so I kept quiet. I knew there was nothing people could do. I was so angry so I knew the best thing for me to do was just be quiet.







Tyna T. Duncan wrote a book entitled, "Totally Overwhelmed" . The book records 3 short years of her devastating experiences. And how those totally overwhelming NIGHTMARES have changed her life.



Tyna believes,"WE CAN BE HEALED OF EVERY DEVASTATING EXPERIENCE THAT HAPPENS IN OUR LIVES!!"