"Prayer will sustain you...says Tyna T. Duncan-Landers"

EXCERPTS FROM THE NEW BOOK "TOTALLY OVERWHELMED"


After we got my father transferred into the nursing home I still was making a trip to Springfield every other day. Sometimes I was making it everyday, trying to show my father he was not alone. How ironic it was, while I was physically taking steps to show my father I was there for him and he was not alone, I was going through one of the loneliest periods of my life. My father had been so strong and so in charge. To see him in that nursing home, over 80 years old, without my mother, and totally dependent on someone else to care for him was very hard for me to ingest. I remember one Saturday I was preparing to go see my father. I had such a loathsome feeling about making the trip. I had such a hard time just getting in the car to leave the city. While traveling to see him I felt an uncomfortable uneasiness hovering over me as I traveled to the hospital. As I walked into the building toward the elevator, I began to cry. I cried from the time I got on the elevator to the time I got to his door. I realized as I went to visit him that night he wouldnt be with us much longer. Several months ago, shortly after the passing of my mother, he petitioned with the Lord for his ticket out of this world. Since then he was waiting patiently on the death angel to come rescue him. All he was doing while sitting in that nursing home was following the natural progression we have come to follow when we know our parents lives are about to end. I stood outside that door saddened by those facts. I wiped my tears away before going into see him. Through all of this, I was still able to put on the face my parents had taught me to wear in times of trouble all those years ago. My father passed away in February of 1998.

I often wondered, if I told my parents, particularly my father, some of the things I went through with Big E, if his position on loyalty andsustainabley would have changed. I cant help but believe he wouldnt have wanted me to stay with someone that was physically abusing his baby girl. If I had had any sense I would have told him of the jaw breaking incident but I just didnt know what he would have said. My opinion of my parents was so important to me and I didnt want them to be disappointed in any decision I made regardless of whether it was to marry a person like Big E or my decision to stay with him during the infidelity and abuse.

So because of the vow I made to God and the honor I had for my parents, I stayed with Big E. I stayed with him despite the fact he was such a temperamental person. He would be happy one minute and the very next minute hed be sad. He would go out of the room chit-chattin and laughing and come in two minutes later as somber as one could be. I never knew what kind of mood hed be in from moment to moment. During my first pregnancy, we had another altercation. This time it was over him being so temperamental. I ended up walking away from the conversation because we were beating a dead horse. He followed me, barking all the while about the fact that I caused his mood change because I said something to upset him. I got to the edge of the stairs and turned to say something to him about letting the situation go which must have upset him even more. He used both of his hands to push me down a flight of stairs while pregnant with his first child. E was born a healthy, vibrant baby boy in spite of this.


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